Seeing the Stars

Seeing the stars

 

This story is about my life and the trial and tribulations I have experienced here on earth

 

As a young child I was alone a lot , my family is very wicked in many ways, I do also believe they are blind to the things they have done ,they never educated  us in proper mannerisms and they never showed me the importance of workshopping god , I don’t even Believe they really fully understand the gravity of what is occurring here. This is my testimony

 

Growing up in Long Island I was born 1989 January

 

My father - well say his name is Charles he was a drug addict and mentally unwell but he always talked and believed in Jesus

He was troubled and couldn’t get his feet under himself . He had very trying times with mental disorders masked by  drugs to cope but coping would bring more misery on himself and his children not knowing how serious this is.

From my experience our only objective here is to worship god and do as gods will is intended. As my father grew up he met my mom at a young age I believe they were 15 or 16 and they had my older brother well call him Charles jr , at this point my father was heavily on hard substances and I know the pain he suffered as I am suffering the same way . He was a very handsome and strong man not tall in stature but a huge heart and was loved by many people . He was a street dude he did and sold drugs for an occupation. I smoked my first dust joint with him .

 

My mother is Lina

I don’t want to expose them in anyway , most of them are scared to believe that this place is what the Bible says it is (my family ) my mother left my father when I was 1 I never remember them being together.
She worked three jobs she had a couple crappy boyfriends .

she worked very hard ,she had three jobs minimum wage jobs  and providing all she could which wasn’t much in Long Island.

my brother and I had no one to tell us no , so we ran with it .

My brother had party’s every night and they would put Benadryl in my beer half way through the night and I would pass out . People drugged me a lot when I was young probably because we could afford a babysitter .

so my mom was angry a lot  and drank alot , as she should have been she had two children with a man that couldn’t even take care of himself and all the weight was on her. I wasn't a big problem then just depressed and lonely .

my mother is also mentally unwell untreated mental anguish,she has her moments of rage and outbursts towards the people that try and love her she barley leave her house besides for work and shuts the world out which isn’t a bad trait it’s just how she treats everyone and the way she talks to people would crumble you to the core and make you wanna give up ,

"Which she’s told both us to kill our selves numerous times ". Or "just kill yourself so we can move on"  you don't understand how much it can effect you when she's the only parent you actually have.

we were close growing up but when I turned around 12 she changed

my fathers family rejected me 85% of the time , they were infatuated with my older brother as he is the jr of my father and they all praised my father even tho he never could do the right thing, it’s as if for me and my father that there was a forced that wouldn’t let us make the right decisions.

 

My father also had another son we’ll call him Ricky he is battling his own stuff right now and I believe he should share his own story to you without me exposing his life

 

I’ve always felt out of place and that my purpose was higher and maybe it is , I believe that if I wrote this it can save someone from making the decisions I’ve made and how it has effected my mental and physical health along with the drug use . I felt as tho I was in a computer simulated world and weird things always seemed to happen that kept me being negative and strung out . I’m am currently still struggling with drugs I did heroine for a long time and I have now been on Suboxone for around 15 years and it’s the hardest thing I am to get off of , god willing .

I am writing this because I have done witchcraft and had spirit encounters that I think the world needs to hear . This is the real world that we live in we're in spiritual warfare and I really mean that.

the hustle and bustle of life is just a distraction from what we are to really supposed to be doing. We are to worship the lord our god everyday and it is to correct you and save your spirit from an eternity of something we couldn’t begin to fathom . 

I started very young smoking cigarettes and drinking and doing cocaine it was introduced to me at the young age of 11

I just wanted to know why my dad wasn’t around and what was so important

so I experimented and experimentation turned into something I couldn’t seem to get a grasp on . I realized that taking these substances would take me away from whatever I thought at the time.

I was brought to church quite a few times I also made my mom put me in religion

I always felt super out of place and like I shouldn’t be there and I couldn’t for the life of me understand why . I would call on Jesus and nothing would happen I would curse at the sky and get drunk and start fights or introduce to people new drugs I was the connect for a long time and alot came through me for my town .
I dragged people down with me. I was baptized quite a few times and things would get worse everytime I  tried . it was like outside forces would really try and mess with my head  ,stuff would start to happen in my life , I would assume to this day that it was father trying to clear the demons away from me , reaching out to me to tell me you need to realize what your doing . Still I didn’t get it , believing and choosing not to believe. Maybe I was scared and I knew I had sin in my heart . I was sexually immoral my whole life . I had spirits having sex with me from as long as I could remember also not knowing it was that . Thinking it was something that naturally happened to people and I’ll tell you why it was a spirit further down the line I get into witchcraft and reading about everything that has to do with spirituality but of course staying away from the Bible.

I had someone summon succubusses  for me and I had intercourse with them  also went as far as you can go doing sexually inmoral things . They still don’t leave me alone to this day . And I have to call on the lord every night to be put to sleep I have really done things I don’t believe many have encountered . I believe that’s why I’m still here to tell you this .

 

After starting witchcraft and learning more esoteric knowledge I was locked in and was obsessed. I was paying for spells left and right getting high off the energy’s I had purchased . Not understanding where this was coming from and I kept thinking oh my there’s more out there  also believing it was innocent and no one would actually care what I was doing because that's what I was used to ,Still not having the full realization of what was happening and I also feel spirits  and can see there Aura and frequently seeing faces ,hearing is the hard part for me . So I had a huge realization of the gravity of what I was doing  but everytime I try to go back to the lord something crazy happens to me . Somone thinks I’m going crazy and they call and get me sent away so I have to do all this in secrete . So I start having these spiritual experiences and I couldn't control my emotions at this time , i was crying and sobbing not understanding what is happening to me . Then things get crazy and I’m hearing stuff seeing stuff and something has to change something was leading me outside , so I start going outside and it’s starting to get warm out and I start talking to god and the sun the moon the stars and Mother Earth . I was meditating after work everyday and while my eyes are closed I noticed something .when I was in deep meditation I started to see things and they kept getting stronger and I realized why people meditate or maybe I'm the only one I'm not sure .one day while I'm outside . This day I was especially depressed and emotional

I started to close my eyes I hear a thump behind me and I felt something put something on my spirit and then I feel them putting something on my hands and engraving something in my spirit and then it takes me through this process  and within a few days mind you I was extremely unhealthy at this time I was maybe120 pounds and usually im around 150-160 people  my skin is turning like a gray color my eyes are sunken in and I have these huge dark circles under my eyes  and within two days I was healed and looking like I just came off vacations with that glow to me I was tan no more bags under my eyes i felt incredible . I know the lord was with me in these days  I never felt something so magical and I was weeping because of the overwhelming feeling that came over me and people notice the change in me immediately and they were asking what I’ve been doing outside and truly I have no idea what was happening to me but I know it wasn’t of this earth and everyone around me starts thinking I’m losing my mind and maybe I was for a little while but I knew  what was happening was real and I couldn’t explain it to anyone for fear they would have me even more heavily medicated and put away for a little bit of time until I remained quite

I feel there is someone who doesn’t want this to get out because of the severity that this carries .

I beg you all to seek out our lord and savior Jesus and repent everything even if you curse just get it out to father so you can work through it to become better everyday . If you don’t believe I pray that you realize one day and that you find what I have realized is real , let me just say I don’t know if I will ever be let into heaven for the things I have done but I need this to get out so that you understand he is real and he loves you. I know people are scared of what this really is but it is real and everything you have been lead to believe should be researched wholeheartedly and without you holding anything back and I mean HOLD NOTHING BACK he knows and he is watching and listening to everything we are doing and saying every single second . I hope this reaches the right person

 

People have died on my account and I have given people drugs that have hurt them I have started fights lied cheat stolen I have cursed to no end I have done everything you couldn’t imagine . Yes I am free and only because the grace of the lord which has kept me from dying which I have also tried to kill myself a lot and I mean a lot . I even hung myself In my moms backyard because I couldn’t stop sinning and doing drugs and my mom and step dad came home early from work and they are never home at the same time and not 3 hours early either but they found me and cut the extension cord from my neck

I truly believe this is why i am here to tell you my story

I used to dream a lot when I was a child of this story I won’t go into detail ( I also don’t dream anymore )about but it’s our story and I have seen pieces of what is to come

He has shown me the truth

And I will argue with anyone over this

This is real and so am I

I am struggling right now writing this to you

In fear that you may make the same mistakes as me , even the smallest ones make us unclean and he won’t think twice about it . You have to realize your part in doing sin .

if you don't then your in the same boat as me and we’re in high waters and I hope dream and pray I haven’t done anything that will carry on to my child. She is innocent abd she deserves the world and I can’t even give it to her because I don’t deserve to and this I know for a fact . I have tried my hardest to accomplish things

Never having results I desired

 

I will tell you my before prison account first

So I was selling pills and heroine and I was heavily addicted to pills from 14 to 20 and at 20 I started doing heroine it was cheaper I had it readily available. I didn’t even need money 90% of the time . It always seemed to just land on my lap no matter what I did I was in the cross hairs but this is the deception still not realizing and thinking this is how life is supposed to be get rich off drugs and get out of the games is what I always believed that’s what I was taught so I embraced it I truly didn’t think anything was wrong with it and I thought it was gangster  . I thought I was the man.

So at this time I was doing heroine for maybe 6 months and I had to reup from the connect and wound up having to take a city trip to get more on the way were shooting cocaine and I missed the shot due to being in the back seat driving down the Jacky Robinson  going into nyc I felt pain in my arm and it blew up and I didn’t go to the hospital yet . I go to my uncles apartment because I was homeless at the time and my father shows up there because he’s homeless also , I had dope he had pills we were having a party . He’s telling me about moving to the city to try and restart and get away from all the drugs . He tells he was going to go on methadone and change his ways , he was from Brooklyn so he always longed to go back to his roots . So as a parting gift a few days later I give him a bundle
 I was having this feeling that he’s not coming back I beg him to stay but he goes anyway and within 2 or 3 days he dies of an overdose/ heart attack . I blame myself for his over does mind you he was on about 4 other drugs besides the dope, people tell me I shouldn’t blame myself but I do. So we bury him about two weeks later by this time my arm is unrecognizable and I was getting fevers and I knew I was severely sick I had gone septic and after burying  my father I went to the hospital . Always having drugs on me .
So at the hospital I lie and tell them I am dope sick mean while I have a bundle in my pocket . I get them to give me adavan and then I go to the bathroom and shoot up not realizing how actually sick I was from going septic .

I lay down on the hospital bed and my mom tells me okay I’m gunna go and she leaves . I get really comfortable and I flatlined I was dead for a little bit when I died I went somewhere else I was being yelled at “WHAT ARE YOU DOING “ “you have to fix this “ then I woke up as they were about to paddle my chest with a room full of doctors and nurses a few were crying I won’t go to far into detail about the experience but they all saw a miracle. 
the doctor told me going into surgery I'm going to lose my arm but when I wake up it's there and I was so grateful. The doctor came by a few days later and wrote my a poem and we cried.

I always had a lot of women and I was violent to most of them I used them and I abused them . I did everything you shouldn’t do to a woman. Besides rape

There was a few times I was clean for a while but never for long

 on one account that I’ll bring to your attention , after I buried my dad I was allowed back at my mothers house and I was staying there my brother and I had 4 people over and I snuck out to shoot some pills and when I came back in the needle fell out of my wasteband thinking I was fooling everyone it skipped across the floor and bounced and everyone was staring at me and I panicked and ran outside and started walking down the busy road in front of my mothers house and my cousin chased me down and we got into a fight on the side of the street we put hands on each other and my brother and his girlfriend who was one of my best friends they were all giving me the third degree and my brother tells “Michelle watch out” as a car came flying by taking her life the driver fleeded and we were giving her crp but when she got into the ambulance she had passed when the driver came back I had beat him up and I carry the weight of that on my shoulders as well supposedly it kept him from going to jail

, they followed me out to the street and I know that, it rests on me .

What I await I won’t know until the day of the lords return . I pray they find mercy for me 

I would like to think I am forgiven but due to my circumstances I need to practice and follow Jesus more 

I went on after that really feeling the weight of both of there deaths these accounts were only 4 months apart and I started doing heroine and smoking crack abusing the women I was with . being a loser and selling drugs and bringing the world down that went on for about 4 years while having small run ins with the law but. Nothing severe yet

So me and that girlfriend were staying in a hotel in riverhead NY I was there for a few weeks selling and doing drugs and I had overdosed . The girl I was with was smacking me I fell with my back to the wall and slid down in slow motion and by the time I hit the floor I died. She runs out of the room calls the ambulance. I wake up as they pull into the parking lot. I trap myself in the room they kicked the door in and I trapping myself in the bathroom while I flushed a whole brick of heroine down the toilet and empty bags and the plastic from the brick came back up but they were going to charge me for small possession charges. In fear of being dope sick  I told them I was having a heart attack and they sent me to peconic hospital where I escaped , yes I pulled my hand out of the handcuff I was very skinny , took my over shirt off and ran to the seven eleven across the street hiding in bushes until one of my runners came to get me . The girl I was with was arrested for my possession charges they were minor but it was still my charges not hers and for that I am sorry to you .

The next day my runner and I were in his car , I fell asleep due to overdosing the night before and being really weak . I guess we were in the car for hours and I wake up and we were at a gas station in riverhead and he was smoking dust , I actually didn’t smoke any and fell back asleep I had my chair reclined all the way back with no seat belt on he missed the road and hit the median walls drain and we went up in the air and I smashed my face into the windshield and had a cut on my face  . He was running around outside of the car saying he was on fire and it looked like a movie . The police came didn’t realize it was me from the night before I gave them a fake name I went to the hospital they gave me a percent and I ran again .the runner went to jail and we were in the paper and they didn’t know who I was , I had the girl that got arrested came and got me I have no idea why and she was with my brother and my current wife

They drove me to a rehab I was there for 12 hours in Nassau NY , I started to get dope sick and convinced a taxi driver who was from riverhead to bring me back and I’ll buy him crack and 50$ bucks I had money and drugs stashed so he took me and I did what I said I would . Then I ran back to the hotel that the runner was staying at knowing he's in jail I broke in and stole his few pounds of weed and I was back in the game running around for a few more days then me and my ex girl friend got into an altercation and I choked her and I went to jail for 14 days

We had domestic issues and she didn’t wind up pressing charges on me and it got dropped and I was back out 2 weeks later . From there I started to get clean again . Then another women enters my life and I was in fear of being alone and misery loves company . At this point I lost my connections for drugs because I robbed all the dealers and helped them look for it that kind of guy . So I was hanging around people doing and selling drugs and this group of people was  robbing houses and I denied it for a while until I had no money  and then I was all game we robbed more then I’ll ever admit, eventually myself and a coconspitior ran into a safe with close to 150000$

He stole most of it from me when I was in my stuper but it was all bad money and it didn’t belong to us everything I bought with this money either broke or something crazy happened to it . I bought a sports car and on thanksgiving that year I was racing down Nicholls rd and and a detective pulls up next to me and my girlfriend  he was screaming at me for driving reckless  “pull the f*** over “ I drank about 20 beers and was doing heroine and crack , I decided to run from him and I blew a light and shifted into 3rd gear at the same time taking the turn to wide and just missing other people wound up crashing into a bush and the car had HID lights that exploded and it set the car on fire , she ran one way I ran the other . I wound up running through neighborhoods and finding an open garage with old sports cars in it and I put it in neutral and rolled it down the driveway  once I hit the street I popped it in second and she started up (mind you it’s a convertible and it was freezing outside . I couldn’t get the top to go closed so I drove with the top down and even passing the police that was looking for me .
I lost my phone so I drove back to my mother’s house called the girl , copped drugs and went to get her in the stolen car . After retrieving her I ditched the car and we went back to our apartment which was a trap house pretty much . Months go by and I’m robbing houses and I can’t stop doing drugs or robbing

To eventually getting told on by one person and being set up by another person from Gordon heights

After he is released 6 days later I realized that he had been the one to get me to the cops .
I will say this I am grateful for that time spent away it did change me for a while and I thought I was on my way to changing my life , I was also gang affiliated and that made things tricky in jail

I was in fights and in the box I had people turn on me . There was a time when the whole jail tried to kill me so I had to do things behind the scenes

After being incarcerated I was sent to a catholic program in Long Island under the judges orders . Whenever I’m doing well a women usually comes into my life and I crumble . I am not saying women are from the place which we don’t not talk about but what I am saying is that there is people that don’t know they are being  lead astray and they have a spirit of some kind that follows them . They have a mission and are very organized. They are sleepless and they never stop .for there to be good there also has to be the other side. If our army is so orchestrated then how do you think both heaven and the other place is . They have forces we cannot fathom. There will be a day when you will remember what I have written here and you will say oh my what have I done . Maybe you haven’t been down the road that I have but you can still learn from this as what not to do . 

So at this time I’m in the catholic program and I can’t seem to do anything right I’m in trouble more then anything while I’m there I relapsed a few times and then at a NA meeting I meet the daughter of someone that works in the program and she is to be married in a few months , we start texting and I expose myself to her in a picture and I tried to play it off as if I didn’t mean to send it to her but I was being wicked and trying to win her over for sex which winds up happening and I’m sneaking out and we’re having sex all the time and then she tells me she’s in love with me and I tell her listen I know what we did was wrong but I can’t be that guy and she still winds up breaking it off at the bridal shower which was absolutely terrible and I know what I did there was a terrible sin I ruined another man’s life and I wish I could have controlled myself better .

So I got caught and I get sent back to jail and now I’m going to prison , the girl stayed around for 14 months then she started hanging out with another guy in the program . Then I’m single she starts acting werid not talking to me as much and I tell her let’s just end it I’m not coming home for some years . I go up to prison and it sucked but I got through it

 

So I went to prison for robbing houses and a stolen gun I did 5 years and a year violation after that because I couldn’t stop shooting cocaine and then one day I tried heroine again and i flatlined I was narcanned and brought back again but I had collapsed my lung and had something called pneumothorax  and I was on parole at the time and parole knew how I was living and they just let me get away with it .i wind up going in to Willard boot camp but before that point 

I put hands on my current girlfriend in my drug rage I went in for that violation also racking up another possession of cocaine which I smuggled into jail.

 

After I come home from doing my bid time not my violation I start hanging out with women again I find a really nice girl and of course she lives in California and she goes back and forth to New York .it didn’t work out. I was also very mentally unstable 

I sleep with another few women in between my next girlfriend who I am still currently with and have a child with .i won’t get into this part because the story continues and I don’t know what will happen  or what the lord has in store for me  . I just needed this to get out to people so that they know nothing here is worth your salvation .

Please hear me and try your hardest nothing is worth losing your soul he is promising you everlasting life . Please don’t throw it away like I did 

I am trying to redeem myself but I have been through and have done a lot of things that are wicked I haven’t even told you a quarter of my life story but from what I write I hope it is and eye opener for some of you

So right before my violation when I was narcanned  I wound up choking on my throw up and it gets pushed into my right lung which pops and I’m out In The world dying and I didn’t know until I got a fever and went septic again . Parole didn’t want me to leave the hospital without going directly to a drug program which I did not , I left the hospital really banged up and my body healed it self fast but I felt different . So not listening to parole I go camping in the next couple of days to hide and I’m doing drugs and I put my hands on my girlfriend due to paranoia I get arrested and do the violation I was speaking about sorry for jumping around there’s just so much I missed and I’m just trying to show you the gravity of this situation I am still currently in so I get arrested for putting my hands on my girlfriend also I forgot to add her brother both work for the law and they hate me as they should . I was even worse of a crap head then.

so I go away for a year and have to do boot camp I get through and make it out . The girl stays with me and we get better she helped heal me and mended back what was left of me . We were going through a lot ,we both had unresolved issues that were setting both of us off and I have controlled my anger mostly nowadays because of the lack of drugs I believe but we had a child she’s is the best things that has ever happened to me she up lifted my spirit and the lord was with me in these days when I think back life got too good there is a part of the story I leave out that god our father knows I will never tell anyone but a priest I was being sexually immoral.
Anyway so this is the time I honestly do my best and I’m praying and things are good .the Covid happens  Life starts kicking our ass and I start to loose site of things I was working for a company for 6 years and gave them all I had I became a Forman for a while but we learned they were stealing from us and it was the first time I really tried at anything so it hurt me to the core these people told us they loved us but they were robbing us . We were working for pennys anyway I just really liked the brotherhood that was there at one time. Then something happened and I got intrigued by esoteric knowledge and being psyoped by the world and I let myself believe it . It sent me into a paranoid psychotic time, but I was praying life was all hustle and bustle I loose site of my connection to the lord I stop praying and I was getting into magic and the emerald tablets  and what it can do but never realizing the gravity of what I’m doing . Still not truly believing that this is gods world . I let the world talk in my ear and I listened to it for what reason I couldn’t even tell you and I’ll never understand why I did what I did or toying around with stuff I didn’t even know the gravity of . This stuff is real and when you start seeing spirits and having sex with spirits and voices and good and evil and back and forth in my head and now i talk to myself and it gets annoying but it has brought me back to the realization that the father and our lord Jesus Christ are real . This isn’t a joke and I hope you hear what I have said to you

 

Pray and stay away from temptation I fear for anyone that has been down a similar road may the lord have mercy on us all

There is no happy ending to this story because I don’t know what will happen. I am still fighting everyday to be better than yesterday . I have been reading the Bible and a lot of my experiences werent all bad I do believe a few of them was the lord trying to warn me but my ears where closed and I couldn’t hear

Maybe this is my last segment on earth and maybe It can save someone but I hope you take this to heart and know the severity of this I love you and I want you to win

I love you abba and I love you Jesus and I am eternally sorry

I know it doesn’t replace the lives and the things that have been tarnished because of my existence

 

I have done things I can’t take back I hope you understand this reader . I now see the stars when I close my eyes  and I mean that literally I travel places and I have no idea if its natural so I pray for who ever reads this that it may be that little voice of reason for you

 

there is no way that I can reverse my doings I don’t know if it was a gift or a curse but I fear it and I don’t use it for any wrong doing . I do know now what I have done and I hope you listen

 

 

Ajl

 

p.s
I surrender my life and my will over to the care of Jesus Christ 

I hope you do the same